sexual proclivities of an off-white devil

I have come across my fair share of pervaphobes during my adulthood. And there have been times where my actions and words have been grotesquely and magnificently misconstrued by a few previous lovers due to their own fears and/or childhood to adolescent abuse having triggered a variety of defense mechanisms.

Here is one example… Amongst other things, SOMETIMES I enjoy putting eye makeup on a lover, a sexy Asian man, along with a satiny undergarment and whatnot. And I’ve always kinda hoped to someday walk in on a boyfriend wearing something from my lingerie drawer, but this hasn’t happened yet.

It’s been kind of a longtime fantasy of mine for a significant other to pull an “Ed Wood” on me and need to confess his compulsion for secretly wearing my knickers and explain it in full detail. At first I would act shocked and surprised (just for the purpose of adding intensity to the moment) then my eyes would grow huge and I’d smile then say something like “No. Fucking Way.” And almost immediately want to suck his cock which would probably be bulging from a pair of my panties.

Have you ever felt satin panties against your cock? If not, you really should try it out.

I’m feeling like women are probably gonna feel my vibe more with this post and guys will be hesitant to comment.

But, seriously… Eugene Lee Yang of the Try Guys has even done it, several times, along with those funny white dudes, for several Youtube videos. Really, it’s no biggie.

Hahaha… The expression on his face kills it. [via Buzzfeed]

Does this mean that I’m attracted to weak, effeminate sissy men? No, I promise you I am not. Is crossdressing mandatory for dating or having sex with me? Not at all.

I just occasionally enjoy looking at masculine, straight, sexy men who just so happen to be lounging about in and stretching the hell outa my satin, silk or sheer panties. Fuck yeah. It’s fun. And I just think that cocks are beautiful and should be wrapped in the finer fabrics. That’s all I’m saying.

Last night a friend of mine told me that the idea made him wanna vomit and I said, “Oh c’mon, that’s pretty extreme don’tcha think. Kinda ridiculous.”

Trying new things is fun so I really don’t get why some men act so squeamish about certain things.

One guy I had dated refused to slip into my sheer boyshorts then later tried to cram his fully erect member into my hyper-clenched bumhole with very little warning. And it was large and Korean. And he had no lube but suggested that WATER would work just the same. Right. And so why does KY exist, Mr. Smarty Pants? I’m very protective of my tight, well-functioning sphincter.

And on to another topic.

I have on occasion offered a significant other the right to fuck me while I slept. That it was okay, providing we had a relationship based on mutual respect, to use my unconscious body as a… uh… fuckdoll.

And usually I would wake up at some point, but there were a few times when I was just too groggy and faintly recall my limbs being pulled and repositioned, my floppy arms being grasped and held firmly over my head… And it was as though I was experiencing a euphoric, semi-lucid wet dream. I had an orgasm once and came fully awake near the end. That was a pretty intense experience and it took me a moment to realize that I hadn’t dreamt it.

Unfortunately, other than taking advantage of “morning wood” we women can’t really enjoy the same privilege, for the most part. Believe me, I’ve tried.

A few boyfriends have welcomed me to have at it. But once a man is dead asleep it’s like attempting to preform magic as the sleaziest snake charmer to ever rouse a limp noodle. I’ve even tried to give it a pep talk, “C’mon now… upsy-daisy. You can do it. I love you, man. Hey. Hey! Psssst… Dammit I thought we were friends.”

Cocks just do as they please, really.

I’m imagining that for you men who enjoy the feeling of domination and power over your lover during sex… fucking your girl while she sleeps (consensually, I would propose) would probably be very satisfying on many levels.

I took intense pleasure in the act of giving up control of my body preceding and during those moments. Verbalizing this allowance felt incredibly intimate, which could’ve been because I had voiced my trust in him, and given a kind of ownership of my body during a time in which the connection between us was impassioned and tender.

That was before moving in together, during an era of countless late nights when he would rush over to my condo on 2nd Avenue, after he left his office.

I was always so excited to find him at my door and he would pick me up as we kissed our way out to the patio. Then we would end up fucking with a view of the bay on the left and the Space Needle to the right, without acknowledging that a few neighbors were probably watching us.

He took his time licking my pussy many times out there, kneeling in front of the lounge chair, holding my legs up from under my knees. And I would suck him off while he stood leaning against the railing and enjoyed a clear view of the Puget Sound.

Whenever he started to cum that way he would have one hand braced on the railing, the other behind my head, his fingers tangled up in my hair. And he would gasp “Ahhhhhh Gaaaaaaaaaaad” over and over while incidentally yanking my hair. But I never mentioned it, even though I have a very sensitive scalp and so tears would usually end up streaming down my cheeks whenever I gave him head. Then I would wipe my eyes and cheeks before he could see it.

Afterwards I would curl up in his lap in my big, comfy papasan and wrap an arm around his neck, sometimes drifting off that way.

36 thoughts on “sexual proclivities of an off-white devil

  1. Hi Holly! Sorry for not replying sooner… I’ve just gotten caught up in things like work and building a new biz with my sister. Hope everything’s going well for you! ^_^

  2. As for the face riding and sociopaths- each their own. Robots? What NEXT- RABBITS??? AND THEN WUT!?? Where does this filth end??? [ sound of crashing testube as future woman drops it to the floor, after inseminating herself with her own genetic matter, in preparation of ‘providing’ a useable human entity for the new world of peace and harmonious malelessness].

    They win. Because once yiu put your own opposite sex face on it, your own imagination has tripped their wire- and you forget the importance of bringing a friend.

    They have you, then. Meat, on a stick.

    As for those images of Jporn- yeah, you could probably write scripts for it. It has really devolved to stuff like you wrote- but even what you write exceeds that arbitrary boundary of yuckdom.

    I think that some of its oevre comes from the fact that the whole society has been sort of emasculated. The women often servants of that bigger picture programming- as if the intention of the annoying cooing is designed to destroy the integrity of healthy male- female sex. Perhaps guilt factors come into play.

    Perhaps reminders of the ‘purpose’ of procreation- perhaps females testing the arousal levels of a man who would or could like that shit [ literally, in your story] and figuratively in real life application.

    Sort of pre-emptive protection of her unborn child: if he likes this shit, hes a shit, whos full of shit.

    Or, just really messed up chicks who are working through something….

    Or, just plain gross portrayals somehow themselves coopt meaning- that people should somehow adopt the agency schemas of self loathing, shame or degradation in sexual matters’ eat what we serve you.’

    Regardless- after my initial horror at your images- I laughed a bit at the ” going all the way” play. Very funny. It almost reads like a satanic cult primer in brainwashing techniques, delivered by a bespectacled, quietly seething, misanthropic slightly raving Dyke, with Freudian training, Pavlov by her side saying yes boss- biscuit?

    Then drooling on Mazlows upside down pyramid like its a dog dish.

    And then calling it a day, going home, and taking her Sylvia Plath out of the basement dungeon, and sleeping in her usual bathtub full of ice and pine needles, comfortable knowing she lifted the marble heavy bag of god off another porn victim…..

    Or something like that.

    And yes, cheese goo! Your lick and stick sounded like county fair fare.

  3. Alright: you have hit the “abominable YUCK switch” for sure.

    You force my apology: no more cheese with the lick and stick, I promise.

    But you definitely hit the bottom of yuck for sure.

  4. Wow. I had never even heard of this Sybian doohickey you mention… aaaaaaaand that’s why Google was invented. So, Gooogly googly googly… and POOF! […] •.¸¸.•´´¯`•• .¸¸.•´¯`•.•●•~• ~•~•WuthuFUCK??? A saddled black box with jiggly bits that do “magic fingers” on your labia until you hit the off switch. We are ever closer to fucking robots. And some already do, from what I gather. I’ve seen the lifelike dolls…. and I think it’s BRILLIANT. Every narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, emotional retarded jackal, and all the psyche-labeled/categorized like, should have one with a feminine version of their own face sculpted to it. Yeowzah! THE HOT TUB’S TOO HOT!!!! kinda sexy.

    I can’t believe you’d mention cheese sauce in conjunction to the “lick-n-stick. Eeeeeeeewwwwww…

    Also, yeah… the toddler cooing and whimpering in the Japanese porn makes my skin crawl. I wish the girls would just say, “Look. I’ll fuck you but if I’m doing the baby thing… I’m going all the way” and put on the bonnet and Pampers. The men can play babysitter and lift the 22 year old toddlers from their play pens, stick a foo foo in their mouths, read a bedtime story while she goes poo poo and pee pee, then he’ll clean it up and teach her a “naughty game” and then later she’ll tell mommy and daddy what Uncle Leroy Chan did with her “hooha” or whatever kids call it these days.

    Maybe at the end of the porn she’ll show the viewers/camera man where the bad man touched her on a doll that resembles Sailor Moon or Sponge Bob Square Pants. Sexaaaaaaaaay´´¯`•• .¸¸.•´¯`♡

  5. Lick-n-stick? I’ll have mine with the cheese sauce….

    Yeah-I’ve often thought that the main reason there is no decent sex ed in school is that if they knew, it would be too real to want to ‘do’. Sex is pretty basic stuff, kinda just boring and organic.

    Which is why rape, child abuse, circumcision, and gender enforcement were invented! Keeps the kids curious….

    But,*oh!* Sybians and Yoni massages are fun:-) Trouble is, if every girl knew about that their wombs might shrivel up- and actively ward off the ‘sacred, G-d given seed of Abraham’….oh noooooes!

    Can’t tax an orgasm, can we?

    As for fakeO’s: most guys need that apparently. The sense of power- mystical knowledge! The seer at the Temple speaks! I’ve wounded it, now I must kill it!- and all that other “guy” stuff.

    But also, I have a few theories about that. 1) the noises act as orimitive coaching for the clueless- these fakeOs have a rythm and often a reasoning 2) women from different cultures fake different vicalizations. In Japan for instance, porn has moved from nearly silent, and wimpering in the 80’s to a nearly babylike whining today. There also seen to be certain ‘schools’ of acting where these women enunciate different sound patterns, but one can identify the relation between one actress and another. 3) black and white Anerican porn vocalizations are also distinctly different, schools and stables of acting can be identifued as well. Most interesting though in Anerucan porn is the use of anger words in ordinary sex: Oh Fuck it! Fuck me harder! Thats it bitch! And so on. This likely has roots in the American mob influences, but also in our state sponsored programming- the cooption if our sensual and actual guttural fuck noises replaced by ‘ bad swear words’-that show up in primitive Supreme Court cases and church confessions- it indicates our violence and militarism at every level of our lives.

    While feminists rant about porn and violence gave some truth, we are all actually stuck between these two extremes if feminist silencing of narratives, versus angry expressions that challenge them. In the end, no grey area- or, that which is grey area is suspect- and targeted by both groups.

    So, insomuch as porn is a form of speech, even THAT is intruded on pre- emptively by power narratives of the state( it is the basis of the fascist state to enforce dualistic paradigms.)

    So- I won’t buzzkill your erotic flair with my theories here- but yeah- it’s very much in the intetest of the state to encourage confusion at all levels if sex, and sex programming- otherwise, we’d all be gappily fucking, watching sunsets, and practicing 1000 forms of sexual contact that DON’T lead to a taxable baby base.

  6. popagandi ~ Oh, trust me… I wasn’t horrified in the least. Those are some valid points you’re making about the Vag Mystique and dumb young guys who cause vaginosis, UTIs, the yeasties and whatnot, with their scrubby mitts… due to keeping mystery alive..

    I’ve often thought there needs to be a public notice about washing hands before inserting them into women. When a drunk guy goes in for the lick-n-stick… that’s a good time for a very unsexy biology lesson or to end a date.

    But I’m personally not very attracted to ignorant men, whether it pertains to female biology or whatever the case.
    I kinda resent the fact that most men don’t realize that the majority of women in porn are faking orgasms left and right, backwards and forwards, or simply don’t care… about female pleasure. And I can’t relate at all with that.

  7. But I would have thought you might have responded more to the little mountain climber and the debonaire Frenchmen scaling Mt. Pubis in a dictionary, with giggly pop spraying out your nose!

    See- I never can predict *hrummmph* “women.”

  8. Sorry if. I horrified you with * gasp* the foul odor of storytelling….

    But I was just riffing., not sniffing. Not my deal, although I am often still surprised at projections that come my way over it.

    I think women generally like guys dumb in this regard- keeps the mystery train rolling.

    I am a bit of an amateur sexological sociologist though. And, a lifetime of knowing women intimately and otherwise has taught me a bit.

    Any boy who spent even a moderate amount of time around mothers, sisters, aunts and so on has his own observations, but generally, it is a great social taboo in westernized culture to dicuss it.

    Anything that debunks and thus ” devalues” Virgin Mary mythology, or intuits that maternal ” long-suffering” has a sensual or sexual component- with animal overtones- is Verbotten. Never mind the early years, where females rut and roost with varying levels of self awareness.

  9. mooo neither but I’m sure there are many. I’m still rummaging thru my own behavioral history, trying to figure out my own issues in regard to the male sex.

  10. Wow. I’m thinkin’ you’re the one who should be writing the smut. My friend, that was a LOT of detail in regard to vag odor, the complete Idiot’s Guide per se. I am now fully assuming that you are indeed an experienced panty sniffin’ aficionado.

    I’ll finish reading your comment tonight, when I have more time.

  11. I have been fascinated by how most women are apparently repulsed by their own odor since I was young. I have a theory that they don’t so much dislike it, but that they don’t want to get caught admitting that they sniff themselves a bit due to shame, and, of course, the AMA, and the other douche industrial complex.

    But, at the same time, I have noticed how some females actually sniff their junk- carefully, so as to not get caught at it.

    Few admit it, fewer get caught doing it, but- you know you do;-) Like nose picking and butt digging, its inherently human, and has an internal, medical logical purpose.

    Lets see if I can remember… Oh fuck yeah! ” early post-menses period, days 1-9, generally fresh as water, with occasional showers of uraeic odors and sweatishness. Day 9-21, same but getting fishier, less uraic, more noticeably odorous, with tuna overtones at peak fertility. Day 21- 28, fragrant to plainly corpse flower malodorous, depending on the timing of the shedding of the uterine lining, diet, stress, and other factors.”

    Ot, something like that.

    Women generally go insanely horny, and range to disgusted, contemptibly projection prone, to paranoid and fearful when a man knows these sort of things about vaginas, and the women who have them- because the larger social narrative of ‘ hetero-normative’ dictates virginity, vulnerability, and ignorance from males in this regard- its easier to trick some love juice out of a dumb young guy, and then tax his besotted progeny, than it is to amaze him, and then reveal the Vachinery as little more than organic- cant tax ol’ fashioned fun, can we?

    Otherwise, if young guys knew about these cycles, the lack of mystery, they’d probably never breed- but they’d get great, burden free pussy out of the deal- practicing imaginitive sex, rather than missionary.

    Women generally hate that sort of male pragmatism more than anything, on many levels.

    Now, back to those panties: ” slipping her fingers in to the woolly topmost pubes, she read, she twirled, she laughed somewhere in her frontal cortex, as she caught her index middle and ring fingers vying to braid a few hairs.

    That’s funny, she thought- I never looked at it that way- and instantly associated her undies with poop stains, and the daily crustiness that is most apparent after hiking here and there mid cycle.

    Effluvium! Yeasts! Bleach and butt boogers!

    She could smell herself- had smelled her own underwear a million timez, but never much thought about why.

    And all those otherstupid things that she giggled at when she first heard them somewhere between outings at the county park with stoner girlfriends too high or depressed to notice the ‘why’ of the stoner or occasional Joxx guys probing roughly in their holes- then, it seldom occured to her or her crew that yeast infections and dirty ass scratching farmer hat wearing hipster guys, and jock fingers were related.

    But they are; they were. Moving along now- isn’t it funny that the more if those sloppy tongued ( beer breath! That time in the rain, in the truck, with the cheesy Victorias secret bra, his dick hard like a hammer, peeling at your labia like a plough; how all subtlety is lost in lust and- longing; all that drama, 24$ on a polyester bra, 18$ on a hairstyle that you thought he would like, but that you hated: but that he barely noticed and never mentioned_ in the rain, in the truck / that his father bought him/ where, probably another girl- who you actually knew, and who actually claimed she was fucjed in that truck- you knew-and EVERYONE knew was fucked here recently)@ finger fuckers you leave behind, the better, and sexier the next guy gets_ even if he is a more hip, less finger ramming guy, and maybe even a dick dancing savant- isn’t it funny how, today, after all these- and thise- years, you only remember how his breath smelled like beer and that one cigarette?

    How, now like in neon lights and BINGO- that yeast infection WASN’T supposed to be a mystery- but a common sense warning that Mr. Truck- stupid as fuck, but goddammed stupid in all the rightways, for you, and for her- your sleeping princess vagina that woke with a roar at fourteen, pissed she had waited so long; and then- pissed that the dumb fucker couldn’t FUCKING FIND THE HOLE.

    sloppy fingers- he is too drunk to know wtf he’s doing; you had read lots of stuff online- he swats your guiding hand away, stuffs two fingers in his mouth, and then in you, and all you can think is FUCK DONT PUT YOUR BEER SPIT IN MY HOLE.

    And he does- a gob of it on his hands, trying to do something he saw in a movie- and then… Then.

    That fucker falls like a sack of-of-flaming hit burning, fucking ass boogers into your lap; like a crashed Hindenburg, the-dumb–mother–fucker–crashes on your open thighs like a blimp.


    Fucker! Fuck! The rough cut of his zipper smashes into your leg – your inner princess feels like your other inner thing: you, in THAT moment thinking it has to get better than this.

    You look at the pile that is him, your inner mother understands him; your inner wild child smirks, say’s At least we got this far; your inner slut is raging, still wanting dick; and yiu inner thighs asks itself about that zipper, scraping slowly down your inner thigh.

    Should I- of course you should! Says inner mother- of course you should hold him- stupid dumb drunk fuck- No- yes.

    Hold him, and ease him to the side.

    Listen to the rain drim dirty drum dirty drum drum drum.

    Dripping wet, your cunt is still on fire, albeit a dull one more like embers. But hot in thay rainy day way.

    Which brings me to what those three fingers were doing between your pubes when you first recalled this event.

    Remember? Twaddling…braiding your longest hairs, on your mons pubis. No- yours, not ” mons”- MONS pubis- the first time you heard THAT phrase, you and a girlfriend were playing dirty dictionary in your pajamas- you laughed when you both pictured a tiny Swiss mountain climber in lederhosen scaling Mons Pubis- pop sprayed out your nose right into the dictionary! And the your clever eye spotted ‘monsieur’ close by, and you laughed again- picturing debonaire Frenchmen scaling Mons- your-vagina, and laughed even harder, probably for days! somewhere in the Alps-

    What are they doing now, these talented fingers of yours

    Well, you know- in the moment where I realized the connection between yeast infections and slobbering slobs, I was listening to a friend, describing something like that- that story above.

    She was telling me of boys that I knew, who never knew, that her and I knew each other.

    And she had the finest hair, the finest fingers. The finest hair, the finest fingers- the finest hairs like silk. The sweetest smell of fresh- caught perch and water….and we swam to the shore in that rain.

    And it was raining hard the whole time, in that sailboat on Menona. The rain line a Seussian rythm of drum dirty drum dirty drum drum drum on the canvass covering….
    We were smashed together in the hold of that small craft, her swimsuit delightfully tight and wet- her, a lifeguardstudying DNA, me a fugitive poet, studying women’s amusement as they studied me-

    I couldn’t take her virginity no matter how much she begged me. I knew I wasn’t her “one”- she, a cerebral scholar, chipping away at the DNA code- me somehow still amazed at how women are way more hirny, accessible, and intelligent than I had been told- wanting though for her to love the smell of fresh water and romance-my pathetic energing discovery that I am the romantic, and women, largely calculated and pragmatic- for me, then the doey look of her in that dim light; the clapping thunder, the furtive and absolute and true beauty ig her, and us, sprayed and splashed- that was enough- the salty kisses….

  12. Each their own- but moooo! The human male, like all mammals is designed to nasally root around in female junk searching for 1) maturity 2) fertility 3) disease and disorder 4) signs of other males .

    Probably more though, I just cant think of any right mooo.

  13. Fabulous terminology! You had me at “girl weiner” and jeeeeeebus christie… skanky girl junk? That sounds like something I try to keep away from my nostrils… but to each his own. At least that vision comes with a silk thong. Does it include a little dance? a little shaky shake of the tush?

  14. Yes- I hoped you might get lost in the fantasy- I was surprised that the search language existed previously! One never knows hiw genuine search suggestions are- in one hand, marketing. On the other, nefarious govt agency programming, and ‘suggestion’.

    Either way, I hope you wanked yoyr girl weiner good and hard- then, real soft…:-P

    As for 100%- I am a Kinsey devotee- its a sliding scale, and so on. So, more like 98.9%- I would wear a silk thong if it got me close to some stanky girl junk on my nose…

  15. justsayan9000~ Thanks for the compliments ^_^
    Off-white was just a take on “white devil” but that I’m actually more of an off-white, light tanish hue than paper-white/ivory and maybe using “off” as meaning a wee bit strange.

  16. popagandi~ hahaha… that’s good to hear. I did as you suggested and ended up down in the interweb rabbit hole for a 2 hour ADD venture of naked Asian guys doing things while naked, but minus the panties.

    Your take on “panties, brassieres and the whole nightmare” cracked me up. You are indeed 100% guy. Hahaha…

  17. Didn’t look athem for the most part- I was focused on the passive attack vectirs of the thing; and its use as a pavlovian tool. But, yes, I saw some panties- garters, brassietes- the whole nightmare.

  18. Wow. Now that’s interesting. Were the drag queens also Asian?

    I would’ve loved to have seen Tony Leung in women’s silk undies in In The Mood For Love.

    Maybe Maggie Cheung could’ve walked into his dimly lit office unannounced to see a sexy silhouette smoking a cigarette, next to a window… then light from the hallway falls onto his crotch, exposing his junk draped in silk…. and suddenly, DRAMATIC HORNS AND VIOLIN MUSIC! and Su Li Zhen nearly faints from arousal.

  19. I bumped into some intelligence agency malfeasance online awhile back and guess what? They were using images of men in womens underwear to lure- guess who? Yup- Asian military hackers!

    Maybe its something about cultural co-option and the Silk Road, or Wong Kar Wai’s in The Mood for Love( Maggie Cheung in cheongsam)- or pillow talk- but
    apparently, the sooper seekrit agints think they can lure Asian men with drag queens wearing silk panties.

    It never occured to me that women dig men in panties- but you explain it well.

    There’s a joke in all this about silk worms, double agents, and vagina juice, but I can’t fish it out….

  20. Fuckin’ A. That’s what I’m saying. I’ve worn spiked hills for guys numerous times whereas nobody would ever walk on pointy stilts by their own volition. I’m way more of a Converse All-Stars kinda gal. But we do things, and experiment, to stimulate our lovers…

    Btw… you should definitely write about that strange fantasy!

  21. No shame to have fantasies. One of mine on the other hand…VERY strange. Haha.

    I guess it’s just some guys have this concept that it’s weird to try on girl’s panties. All because it isn’t “masculine” at all. Their loss.

  22. Yep, and 100% friend zoned.

    I’ve had my experiences with dude guys who lacked kink and creativity in the bedroom. And they usually lack it in general, along with a sense of humor.

  23. Thanks, Vero!

    I’m glad that SOMEBODY gets my POV. And I’m not at all surprised that you’d be the one to agree with me. Haha.. I’m not really expecting too many guys to chime in with Oh yes, how I do love the feel of delicates brushing against my tenderloin.

    And I couldn’t agree with you more about it. My buddy from last night is just a friend. He’s way too much of a “dude” for me to be interested in.

  24. You should ask him to trade underwear. He’s probably just scared because he knows he’ll get hard immediately and get a dark stain of pre-come on your delicate panties. It’s cute to see a guy stuff himself into your panties, cock bulging out the side. It’s such an enticing image. It always brings me to my knees.

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