I woke up just after 4am this morning with my sister’s voice in my head.
“…because we’re stardust contemplating stardust, sister, is what we are.”
We’ve said this to one another for many years. It’s like our “thing” we say to remind each other to keep a broad perspective. It’s our sisterly mantra and duty.
I couldn’t get back to sleep so I went outside to the back patio to look at the smokey purple sky.
I’ve been a Carl Sagan fan throughout my life. I’m eight years older than my sister and so she was raised listening to star-gazing quotes and philosophies since she was very young… few years after the traumatizing bedtime stories about “psycho bears” would cease to haunt her dreams. –I wasn’t always the most comforting big sister.
And suddenly it was imperative that I recall a particular quote around 4:15am while being attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes
and searching for an old email containing this quote in which I sent to a friend during the summer of 2011.
This is where I turn into Kilgore Trout (Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut) for a moment.
Hold on to your heads, dear thinking machines…
The atoms of which we are formed were gathered together in the toilings of a galaxy; their fantastical assembly into living creatures was nourished by the warmth of a star in a galaxy; we look at the galaxies with a galaxy’s eyes. To understand this is to give voice to the silent stars. Stand under the stars and say what you like to them. Praise or blame them, question them, pray to them, wish upon them. The universe will not answer. But it will have spoken. —Timothy Ferris
Aha. It will have spoken… and insists upon attacking me with a swarm of mosquitoes.
And I’m re-reading this reply from a sweet man yesterday… “Part of my journey to healing has been to stop accommodating users and to express my feelings authentically.”
Beautifully said, Otto. And written in a complete, coherent sentence no less.
Which is quite rare these days.
For instance, while clearing out some old text messages in my phone I happen upon messages like these
from a “cute guy” I was getting to know.
All small caps, abbreviated, misspelled words running together…
“hey whatsup” (it’s 12:16am)
“hey whert u been miss ur prettyface” (what?)
“be at bens late u comin by” (It’s almost 1am; obvious late/lazy booty call)
I never replied.
This kind of shortened, ADHD-style communication has become incredibly common, all over.
What’s sadder is that I occasionally respond to silly messages like these.
“hey u up?” (It’s after 1am)
“watcha doin?” —
“k, ttul” (when I didn’t respond)
–Several days go by. I hardly know this guy. But he’s cute.–
“hey u up?” (1am again)
–Sends cute/silly selfie that’s kinda sexy–
Me: “Hey… just saw your messages. I was watching a movie.” (lie)
And… now who’s being pathetic. Me. And done.
So, it’s 4:30am and I’m “stardust contemplating stardust”
thinking about perspective while deleting stagnant text messages and emails.
Thankful for replies like those from Otto.
And other friends who speak and write to me in full sentences.
Considering how amazing it is that we even exist at all to be able to share this time together…
to communicate and express ourselves like this.
With the ability to say sooooooo many things to one another.
And some people will take this precious time to utilize the gift of communication
by sending a message to a new friend, like this:
“hey u busy wann meet latr?”
So I like to propose, sometimes, to people I know and communicate with…
that people, friends, lovers, folk who might become lovers
and just… anyone who reads this.
Please show a bit more respect and thoughtfulness for one another. And for yourself.
Stop with the cryptic messages.
Speak clearly and write coherent sentences to other adult human beings.
If you’re a thoughtless slut… try being a thoughtful slut.
And don’t be so willing to accept tepid, watered down, selfish,
incoherent, thoughtless dribble, regularly into your life.
It’s either a waste or a great misdirection of energy.
I propose being as *Sincere, Thoughtful and Compassionate* as possible
and remember that you’re also worthy of respect, compassion and sincerity as well.
As for Sex…
When someone is giving you pleasure, and taking
their time to make you ache and throb between your thighs because they want to be there…
Be sweet to them and run your fingertips through their scalp.
Kiss them passionately.
And be thoughtful.
Choose your words carefully.
Because everything we do and say, communicate and express, really does matter.
It all matters.