Sincerity, Thoughtfulness and the Psycho Bears… It All Matters.

I woke up just after 4am this morning with my sister’s voice in my head.

“…because we’re stardust contemplating stardust, sister, is what we are.”

We’ve said this to one another for many years. It’s like our “thing” we say to remind each other to keep a broad perspective. It’s our sisterly mantra and duty.

I couldn’t get back to sleep so I went outside to the back patio to look at the smokey purple sky.

I’ve been a Carl Sagan fan throughout my life. I’m eight years older than my sister and so she was raised listening to star-gazing quotes and philosophies since she was very young… few years after the traumatizing bedtime stories about “psycho bears” would cease to haunt her dreams. –I wasn’t always the most comforting big sister.

And suddenly it was imperative that I recall a particular quote around 4:15am while being attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes

and searching for an old email containing this quote in which I sent to a friend during the summer of 2011.

Found it.

This is where I turn into Kilgore Trout (Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut) for a moment.

Hold on to your heads, dear thinking machines

The atoms of which we are formed were gathered together in the toilings of a galaxy; their fantastical assembly into living creatures was nourished by the warmth of a star in a galaxy; we look at the galaxies with a galaxy’s eyes. To understand this is to give voice to the silent stars. Stand under the stars and say what you like to them. Praise or blame them, question them, pray to them, wish upon them. The universe will not answer. But it will have spoken. —Timothy Ferris

(Galaxies, 1988)

Aha. It will have spoken… and insists upon attacking me with a swarm of mosquitoes.

And I’m re-reading this reply from a sweet man yesterday… “Part of my journey to healing has been to stop accommodating users and to express my feelings authentically.”

Beautifully said, Otto. And written in a complete, coherent sentence no less.

Which is quite rare these days.

For instance, while clearing out some old text messages in my phone I happen upon messages like these
from a “cute guy” I was getting to know.

All small caps, abbreviated, misspelled words running together…

“hey whatsup” (it’s 12:16am)
“hey whert u been miss ur prettyface” (what?)
“be at bens late u comin by” (It’s almost 1am; obvious late/lazy booty call)
“talk later?”

I never replied.

This kind of shortened, ADHD-style communication has become incredibly common, all over.


What’s sadder is that I occasionally respond to silly messages like these.

“hey u up?” (It’s after 1am)
“watcha doin?” —
“k, ttul” (when I didn’t respond)

–Several days go by. I hardly know this guy. But he’s cute.–

“hey u up?” (1am again)

–Sends cute/silly selfie that’s kinda sexy–

Me: “Hey… just saw your messages. I was watching a movie.” (lie)

And… now who’s being pathetic. Me. And done.

So, it’s 4:30am and I’m “stardust contemplating stardust”

thinking about perspective while deleting stagnant text messages and emails.

Thankful for replies like those from Otto.

And other friends who speak and write to me in full sentences.

Considering how amazing it is that we even exist at all to be able to share this time together…

to communicate and express ourselves like this.

With the ability to say sooooooo many things to one another.

And some people will take this precious time to utilize the gift of communication

by sending a message to a new friend, like this:

“hey u busy wann meet latr?”

So I like to propose, sometimes, to people I know and communicate with…

that people, friends, lovers, folk who might become lovers

and just… anyone who reads this.

Please show a bit more respect and thoughtfulness for one another. And for yourself.

Stop with the cryptic messages.

Half-ass communication.

Speak clearly and write coherent sentences to other adult human beings.

If you’re a thoughtless slut… try being a thoughtful slut.

And don’t be so willing to accept tepid, watered down, selfish,

incoherent, thoughtless dribble, regularly into your life.

It’s either a waste or a great misdirection of energy.

I propose being as *Sincere, Thoughtful and Compassionate* as possible

and remember that you’re also worthy of respect, compassion and sincerity as well.

As for Sex…

When someone is giving you pleasure, and taking

their time to make you ache and throb between your thighs because they want to be there…

Be sweet to them and run your fingertips through their scalp.

Kiss them passionately.

And be thoughtful.

Choose your words carefully.

Because everything we do and say, communicate and express, really does matter.

It all matters.



20 thoughts on “Sincerity, Thoughtfulness and the Psycho Bears… It All Matters.

  1. Hah, well, I might be half the time. i either wear it short or shaved depending on if i’m training. now pls. is this a known thing kike a mullet or are there a variety of dad dos.

  2. papagandi,

    When you mention “the hirmines” are you referencing the Greek Hyrmine or what you make hashish from?

    *Disclaimer: I’m quite the questioner. I like asking things.

    As I read “a sea of cocks” in your comment I started to imagine an ocean of geoduck. Those poor, phallic creatures. I’ve tried sashimi from geoduck and it was not tasty. Nowadays I try my hardest to go fully vegan, again. It’s difficult giving up seafood.

    The idea of there being a million of dicks in the metaphorical ocean…. yikes. So little time! Hahaha.. I’m actually a bit more particular than my blog may suggest. Perhaps I’m being a bit of a bad influence with my writing, and speaking of “everything matters.”

    I like that… “nattering matters.”

    I’m wondering about this guy who’s fucking all these wives. Maybe you should write about him. What a character!

    You’re right to assume that I bang Asian men. Unfortunately, the pretentious narcissist was also Asian.

    In the past I banged several pseudo intellectual dandy types, in a tailored suits. And I’m a fairly quirky character so that hasn’t worked out the best. Someone usually ends up insulted, then banged again, and then insulted..

    Dating men can be tricky and sometimes downright scary. I wasn’t born into a culture where my life partner is chosen for me… and the mate-pairing alternative, while altogether different, seems to be equally hairy, if not potentially dangerous as I can still end up becoming slave-like or abused or adored while held in some female archetypal position or treated in some undesired way. Sometimes I think it would’ve been a better choice to become either a bhikkhuni or a courtesan.

    I’m thinking though, if you castigate these archetypal white women…. Which “white female” type is it? I know so many types. We’re all a type and a label of different upbringings and hues of melanin… albeit I’m fairly “melanin challenged.”

    But that type you’re referring to, if I’m correct in my assumption, is all around me these days.

    I don’t think I can remain on the mainland of the U.S. for very long.

  3. I like rambling. In fact, it is only considered rambling if your audience doesn’t give a shit about you. Those who prefer the dullness of dull, dull out together; those who natter on natter together.

    Nattering matters:-)

    So, yeah- their are a million dicks in the sea- your nob is to catch as many as you can, and enjoy the catch of the day. The one who got away? Meh- a million more out there to follow.

    With women, I find each one unique and potentially adictive for brief periods- hirmines do that to us. But my loves live on forever- any woman I have ever been with is thinking about someone she is not with- those many that get away.

    Its the way it is.

    I was a bit surprised when I met a young narcissist in a tweed suit. A young realtor of recent memory. He seemed quite as you said- and was smug in it. He had the girl that he ” fucked on the weekends” and claimed a crown of fucking other mwns wives. Good for him- most wives need some fucking.

    If I am being presumptious about you banging Asian guys, sorry. I hope that is what you are doing because they sure need it.

    So many Anerican girls are too scared to break out of that black white narrative- they dumb yhemselves down for black guys qho never take them seriously.

    Asian guys are different I think. I write a lot about white female privilege- I castigate white women in the hopes they get out of their narcissistic self involved paradigm, and do good in the world beyond their vaginas. And, if you/ they are learning Asian nen? Exvellent- because Will Smith and many others are pimpin’ Asia big time….

  4. Yeah, white female reporting.. and thank you for assuming that I’ve made some Asian boys happy. Hopefully.

    …and I still laugh too when I think of Mr. Tweed Suit until I recall him correcting one of my words, only to be mocked [by me] in a dumb faux British accent. –“Yes, very mature” haha..

    I couldn’t agree with you more… Experimenting, spending time with different flavors of character, is crucial to learning about oneself and how one relates with others, I think.

    And I’m into a whole ‘nother type of character than I was into say 10 yrs ago.
    So I’ve never understood the logic of following any sort of time frame when it comes to sex and romantic-life partnering.

    I’ve dated across the board, pretty much.

    Recently, while sick and bed ridden, began watching House and got a little melancholy while Kal Penn (Harold & Kumar) was on the show. I dated a guy who looked almost identical and was a doctor. So then I’m doing the thing.. “Damn. Maybe I should’ve moved to San Fransisco with him.” but he’s married now (says Facebook)

    …and anyhow, I would’ve missed out on Mr. Tweed and the photographer who snuck dirty photos of me and showed them to my friends. And some other ridiculous characters I’ll use in AMWF dirty blog stories. 🙂

    And please excuse my rambling…

    I ramble sometimes.

  5. Good for you, experimenting. And, there’s nothing wrong with making experimentation into a lifestyle either.

    I find it fascinating that women get so stuck in the biological clock thing- free love until 28 years old, then wammo! Gotta find the dad guy!

    Looking back, the best thing I have learned is that sex parners are all candidates- but not necessarily on the time frame we are forced to adopt.

    The one night stand from five years ago may have evolved- check back every now and again. That’s what friends are really for.

    You write well, and it is good to see you – apparently a white female? Stepping out of racist western enclosures. I am like you- I find Asians attractive to the eye, but also- they are not pre-programmed with the crap that Brits and Americans are. Entitlement, privilege, and biases that they don’t even know they have- because TV told them so…

    I bet you have made your share of Asian guys happy- a dream come true;-)

  6. Touché! I call that “Muscles, slight potbellies and dad haircuts” phase a learning curve. But to a degree I’ll say that to relate a bit more with the females popping in on my blog from time to time.

    I assume most people have had the occasion of trying a taste of the Mrs. and Mr. Wrongs. And I’ll not exclude myself there. Obviously.

    But I wouldn’t call mine morons necessarily… I’m not a fan of meatheads or the typical “masculine type” per se… like sports fans (I’m admittedly fairly prejudiced towards male sports fans — and I readily admit it in person) –I hate sports, in general.

    I’d say the genteel and charming yet pedantic narcissist wearing a fitted tweed suit.

    But he’s a little too confident [arrogant] and I was a little too bold and flirty and quirky.

    A perfect night leading to a brief nowhere.

    And someone usually ends up insulted, ego/feelings bruised for a time… but hey the sex was great and I learned something. Hopefully we both did— kinda thing.

  7. “Speak clearly and write coherent sentences to other adult human beings.”

    Nice potential eptitaph for modern relationships…but doing so definitely weeds out the morons.

    But wait- I thought women like morons? Muscles, slight potbellies and dad haircuts….

    Hmm. The conundrum: Mr.Wrong. all night long, or Mr. Right, keeps you up all night- talking.

    If I were a girl, I would pick several of each, all the time:-)

  8. Veronica, ya know… while I was reading your description of this guy with the muscles, tank top and dad hairdo… a hot Korean guy actually did come to mind.

    I’m not just saying that.

  9. Hahaha… Hey, I think I’ve been to that construction site. And they definitely have emotional issues.

    Yeah, I certainly have that weakness as well… although it’s been a weird year and I’ve gotten rather sensitive about these shitty text messages and the lack lustre dialogue. But like you said, women do it as well. For some reason it just pisses me off more lately when a man does it, lately… Maybe it’s because the last guy I was with in Seoul was pretty ——-. I think I’m still a bit butt hurt about it, literally.

    But for some reason the image of a muscular guy in a tank top and a dad haircut just turned me on. Hahaha… Thanks for that.

  10. Ah, those despicably cute guys, my weakness! You’re right, you should probably just ignore them.

    Not go through with riding your bike to meet them in a secluded parking lot by the water where they show up in a wife beater and a weird new haircut that makes them look like someone’s dad, but still really muscular so it’s ok, then driving around with them to find an abandoned construction site to park in front of and letting them throat fuck you until you gag and even spit up so that they refuse to kiss you after because “that’s gross,” but then fucking them anyway in the car, and they seem to have to concentrate really hard in order to finish and you keep wondering if they’re gay or have some like, emotional issues, because you know you look good tonight.

    But I’ve never done anything like that…too recently. 😛

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