Thinking aloud here..
I was just scanning back over my Gentlemen Only 찜질방 story and felt a little embarrassed about utilizing such racially loaded expressions, mentioning skin color over and over again… almost bordering on race fetishism.
But that’s why I went ahead with publishing it on an erotica site and why I plan to write more stories like it. Sometimes embarrassment is a good thing. It keeps you thinking, reflecting and looking inward.
Race fetishism and the ideas and images that promote it are everywhere. The influence of racial/ethnic stereotyping and objectification is constantly injected into our lives, relationships, workplace and between the sheets, usually when we’re least aware of it.
Around 3-4 years ago I was working at a clinic as a licensed Massage Therapist in Seattle. During that time one of my regular clients and I enjoyed a series of fun conversations often centered around our romantic lives. She was white/caucasian/whatever pale skinned-label you prefer and married to a man of Chinese decent. They were very cute together, and openly affectionate, with two beautiful children.
I told her that my fiancee was Korean and so we shared a lot of our experiences of being in “AMWF” relationships, amongst other things.
One day she said, “It’s funny how being in a so-called ‘interracial relationship’ will cause you to say ridiculous things that people in same-race relationships never say to one another. I mean, most times I never even think about it. We’ve been married for over ten years, we’re a family now, with kids.. but occasionally we say some fucked up shit to each other. Know what I mean?” –Yes. I do. — and she goes on, “Last week, I swear… while having sex my husband suddenly says, ‘Yeah white girl, take it! You like it like that!’ Can you believe that?! Ha!” –Yes, I can.– “And I could not stop laughing to concentrate on sex anymore. After all these years… White girl. Where the hell did that come from?”
And then I told her about the time I walked in on my [ex] fiancee wanking to an old high school yearbook photo of me dressed as that racist, elitist, female stereotype, the infamous Southern belle, Miss Scarlett O’hara from Gone With The Wind.
Thanks for that, Facebook!
Oh yeah. That happened. And that photo exists because the teachers and fellow students at my high school coerced me into dressing like Scarlett O’hara, with giant curls in my hair, a big ruffled ball gown, lacy white gloves, waving a giant lacy fan around for their amusement and then several caricature photos later.. for their annual photo album.
They practically begged me into it and suddenly a horde of giddy teenage girls are dressing me in this costume wear and rolling my hair.
BOOM — I wasn’t gonna live down the Southern belle stereotype for years and years to come. Thanks again, Facebook.
And I’ve been pigeon-holed into that stereotype throughout my life because somehow, much to my embarrassment, I absorbed a syrupy southern drawl at a young age and haven’t been able to lose it entirely. It comes and goes, but during my childhood, teens and 20s, it was thick and I was constantly in fear of being recorded.
It might’ve been alright if I had remained in a region where it’s the norm but I never fit in with the conservative culture and prevalent attitudes of folk in the South. And yet my voice was seasoned with this god damned Southern molasses anyhow (like the Sookie character in True Blood) — and then off I went to live in places where I became a caricature of every Southern stereotype imaginable. The Southern belle, white trash i.e. Daisy Duke of the Dukes of Hazard –Yech, sweet yet dumb gal, the ignorant redneck and toothless hillbilly, straw hat wearing bumpkin, Republican douche bag, Christian Conservative, etc..
“Ohmygod. You sound just like Jodi Foster in Silence of the Lambs. Ever seen that movie Sweet Home Alabama? Did you wear shoes growing up? Were you raised on a farm?”
I’ve lived a life of loathing, I mean LOATHING, the sound of my own voice and avoiding others who share a despicable Southern accent. I can pretty much mimic any movie line with a Southern drawl you hear in a cheesy Hollywood movie stereotyping the South and do it better than the original actress. (Reese Witherspoon in Freeway. Yep. I got it down.)
So people used to say things like “Say, ‘Haaay YAWL.’ C’mon… say something like, ‘Ya’ll come back nah’ya heeear!’ or “Haaaaaaaaay Shuuugar. Keeeiss mah GRITS!”
Anyhow, like I said, it comes and goes. Fortunately, it’s subsided a great deal over the years.
Ok. Enough with the digressing down memory lane.
So, back to my [ex] fiancee, cock in hand, glued to this photo of me (age 15-16) wearing that ridiculous, lacy getup.
I said something like, “Aha! Busted! I caught you redhanded, you perv.”
Then — here it comes — he asked if I would wear something like that sometimes while he’s fucking me.
“Are you serious? You wanna have sex with me while I wear some giant, lacy ball gown???” He was serious. So I said, “Ok. Yeah, sure… if you dress like that character in Mortal Kombat who wears the rice hat. It’ll be like Lord Raidon [or whatever his name was] fucking Bo Peep.”
It just makes me go on to wonder what other ridiculous [i.e. fucked up shit] AMWF couples say to each other.
Also, part of me would still love to go back in time just to smack the people who came up with lace, bustles, ball gowns, daisy dukes and straw hats.
And Mark Zerkerberg for creating Facebook.